Ads

So I was listening to the radio today, and they play some random ads in between songs...and usually I don't really pay any attention to these, but there was one ad that the station seemed to really enjoy playing for some reason, and so it just kind of stuck in my brain.


Unfortunately, the ad was for (in my opinion) the most useless piece of garbage ever. It was trying to advertise a new tv show that's apparently coming out on channel 7 called 'Please Marry My Boy'.


Just let that title sink in for a bit. This is not a hoax, there is going to be an actual show...where mothers try and find partners for their sons.


I don't know what to be disappointed at...the creators of this abomination? channel 7 for picking up this egregious concept? the mothers/sons for agreeing to appear on this stupid show (yeah...no more big words)? or even the viewers, however few, that this show will no doubt have?


Seeing as school begins tomorrow, I hastened to google search in the hopes that the radio show was playing some sort of cruel and distasteful joke in an attempt to cheer me up, but alas my hopes were in vain. The first page of google is filled with links dedicated to the promotion of the show. Perhaps my sense of entertainment/humor had gone so out of whack these holidays that I no longer understood the meaning of 'good idea'?


What I find even more puzzling is that this show is apparently to be told from the point of view of the mother...So...will the mother be attending her son's dates? Will the show be focussing on the changing dynamics of the relationship between the mother and the girl instead of the boy and the girl? Is it going to be the mother who ends up proposing for her son?


After looking this show up on wikipedia, this is what i find:


"The premise of the show consists of a group of males speed dating a number of females. The males don't realise that their mother will choose their top three candidates. Then the girls move in with the mothers."


How could the sons possibly not 'realise that their mother will choose their top three candidates'?? THERE WILL BE FUCKING CAMERAS EVERYWHERE. It's not like the mother can just palm that off and be kind of 'Oh you know, they're just filming a documentary on our family cause we're so interesting. OH LOOK, HOW CONVENIENT, THERES A CHICK OVER THERE YOU SHOULD TALK TO, AND WHILE YOU TALK TO HER, I'LL SIT IN AND LISTEN TO YOUR WHOLE FUCKEN CONVERSATION AND SILENTLY JUDGE HER. Oh...and the cameras will also be recording everything....for the...documentary...yeah.'


The only logical reason I can think of for putting this monstrosity on the small screen is to attract viewers with the "It sounds so terrible that it MUST be funny. Therefore I MUST watch this trainwreck of a show", because if that's not the angle they're approaching it from, then channel 7 is doing tv broadcasting wrong.


As an ending comment, I will be supporting my comments above (because as English teachers say, evidence is everything) with some evidence from a...'critic' of sorts.

Racist? Perhaps, but I'd still trust this person's opinions over that of the Channel 7 employee who picked this show up.

Hello my darlings

[Insert creepy face picture here]

haha i dont know why thats my title, but whatever it's a pretty rad title.

I currently stand at a crossroad. On one path, I want the holidays to just end so that my boredom cycle (get up, check lakersnation, look at nba scores, watch youtube, play basketball, more youtube, sleep) can end and so that something can take up about 6 and a half hours per weekday of my life...even if it is school. On the other hand, I want these holidays just to continue just to avoid fucken year 12.

year. 12.

fuck.

But, as I have seen people writing stress posts about the pressure of year 12 etc. and me, being the cool cucumber that I surely and truly am, I will be focussing on the positives of year 12...YAY

+ New batch of Year 7s. Before I start, don't you dare start assaulting me with pedo comments. Every year, it seems that Year 7s shrink. No, it isn't because we're growing taller, its cause those little buggers are just shrinking from their asian parents withholding foods and forcing studies. OK? Besides, who doesn't like to torment year 7s every now and then?
+We are three terms away from freedom. Freedom. We've learnt ever so much about it in English and History....and...Art? O_o And it's something that we've come to appreciate as one of the fundamental rights of humans. As William Wallace said so famously (or at least Mel Gibson did in 'Braveheart') FREEDOM OR LIBERTY!!! Eventually of course, William Wallace would be horribly tortured for his belief in freedom. Sadly, even though we are all children - or for those who's egos will not permit such a word, 'teenagers' - and are technically going through the freest time of our lives....we aren't truly free what with society expecting us all to sit a life-altering set of examinations at a time where some of us won't even be considered to be full-fledged adults. YAY SOCIETY.
+University is coming. Now this is a source of stress as well, but with university comes with meeting new people (or for the socially awkward...more gaming time), the possibility of earning money (more than what one is currently earning now) in a part time job and actual independence if one is planning to get out of the state where their parents reside. If the above still aren't enough to see this as a pro, consider how in uni we'll be learning something that will actually be used in our future careers (seriously...fucken essay writing, integration etc.) so we'll actually be using our time properly...instead of sitting through a class where the shit we learn isn't going to benefit us in any way, shape or form.
+Senior fucken commomroom. OHHH YEAHHHH. Ok, its a small win, but one that is magnificient. I've been at ruse for 1 year and i've wanted air con for pretty much 11 months of that one year (yes I hate any tiny bit of warmth. you don't want to be around me in summer, I will drive you around the twist). Granted, the senior commonroom aircon is currently broken, courtesy of the graduating year above us, but once that is fixed, shotgun once of the corners of that room for 5 hours a day.
+This is our fucken territory. Ok by now I'm just clutching at very, very loose ends, but now we are on top (unless you count the teachers and the deputies and lovely treskin, and really, who does anyway). We run this house. We could probably...like...leave our shirts out...and most teachers won't care....yeah. sweet as bru amiright? Actually, on revision teachers don't really mind anyway....but we could  probably bring like...those collectable tazos in and those trading card games that are banned for juniors, and like...duel each other all fucken day (except class time...). yeah. suck it. feels good right?

So overall, year 12 might be looming, it might be a source for stress, we might feel squashed and smothered underneath the blanket of these 'final examinations' but we must continuously cling at the positives, and remember that tens of thousands of kiddies like ourselves have managed to do this shit before us...so most of us will probably survive.*

Also. (NBA comment here) Kobe bryant. Fucken hero. Haters can't say anything right now. The dude is in his 16th season, he's 33, his wrist is fucked, his knee is fucked, his fingers are fucked (and thats most of what you use in bball) and he drops back to back to back nights of 40+ point games? Are you kidding me? And he leads the whole NBA in scoring and is 3rd in the PER ranks. Fucken champion. Lakers for Larry O'Brien trophy mate.

*I am in no way liable nor will I take any responsibility if you stumble upon an unfortnuate set of circumstances where you do not survive the final year of your secondary education. Whilst bicbostik industries hold nothing but sorrow at your misfortune, we will not be responsible for the payment of any funeral costs or for the payment of the psychologists that your family will hire. we will however be sure to attend your funeral, and would in no way object to the receipt of any item or items taht you wish to bequeath upon us, and would honor said items (note plural...dont you dare do any of that singular shit) with the utmost respect. Why is this paragraph even here? If you don't survive you won't even be able to pursue me for what I wrote....unless ghosts are real? Nah fuck that shit I don't believe in ghosts. I'm a big boy. Cool. If you read all this...then you seriously need a fucken life son. Go out and frolick in the sun, get that UV light and vitamin D boy. Ok this has gone on for long enough - by now even I realise taht I'm just trying to extend my post....as if I were writing an essay and need to meet the word limit.

COOL. BYE.

Remixed

So apparently my response was a little on the critical side. And by a little on the critical side, I mean I was extremely mean. So in an effort to level the playing field and give anyone out there an equal oppurtunity to absolutely demolish me for my poor 'blog meme' creating skills, here is my rendition of this thingy.

Hidden Hypotheticals:

1. Quick! You have to choose a superpower to fight a hoard of zombies. What do you choose? 
2. You are asked to give a speech in front of the whole school. What do you talk about?
3. You're planning a scavenger hunt with all your friends. What do you include on the list of things to find?
4. You discover that one of your long lost relatives is actually Mrs. Bennett from Pride and Prejudice. How do you react?
5. Imagine that North Korea asks (and by ask they mean command) you to be their new "Glorious Leader". What is the first policy you implement?
6. Tomorrow you are going to take on a Bear Grylls style adventure where they drop you in the middle of no where and you must find some sort of civilisation. How do you prepare?

Rugged Randoms

1. Who do you talk to most on msn?
2. What is your favourite time of day?
3. Do you listen to the radio, and if so, which radio station do you listen to?
4. What do you do as part of your 'morning routine'?
5. Who is your favourite NBA player? (had to have this in here somewhere :D)
6. Is society slowly heading towards total destruction?

Fancy Philosophicals:

1. Pro choice? Pro life? Pick one and justify.
2. Should students be forced to wear uniforms? 
3. Do you think that the existence of life on Earth is simply due to fantastical coincidence?
4. Do you think that the world's best phone or the world's best computer is more useful?
5. Politicians are ruining our country. Discuss.
6. Why is it that butter alone tastes horrible but is necessary in almost all pastries?

Interesting Inquiries:

1. Can you pull a good poker face?
2. Are you the type of person who wishes everyone in your contacts a Happy New Year?
3. What do you think is the most important job?
4. Are apple products overrated?
5. What do you think happened to the baby in the banana boat ads?
6. Which is your favourite pokemon and why?

Fuck. This was so hard to write. I have respect for you reid for being able to produce yours in just 30 minutes. Anyways, I'm not going to edit. I'm sure its an absolutely egregious production so have fun picking it apart.

All credits go to Mr. Duetofone for the coloured titles.

Fine reid. I'll do your blog meme :P

Here we go.

Hidden Hypotheticals:

1. If you had a donkey, what would you name it?

Ladies and Gentlemen. When introducing it, I could say "This is my ass, ladies and gentlemen"

1. One day your doctor gives you an X-ray and discovers that your brain is actually the size of a peanut... would this have any effect on you?

That depends. By the size of a peanut, do you mean the actual size of the nut itself without the outer skin, or with the outer skin? Reid. You must be more precise with your blog memes. :P

1. You are locked inside a metal cube with no way out. There is a locked door and the key is placed behind your eyeball. You are given a scalpel... will you gouge out your eyeball to retrieve the key, or will you wait five hours for the oxygen in the box to run out?

I. What? How did the key get there? If the key was somehow placed there, then if I did the same procedure in reverse then the key would end up in my hand or something right?

1. A random stranger gives you a box with a button. Inside the box is one trillion dollars and the only way to access the money is to press the button. However, the button, when pressed, causes the world to end the day after you've died. What do you do?

Reid. Seriously. If one trillion dollars were to be placed in a box, the surface area that it would take up would make the box several times taller than I am, and by extension, the button would be unable to be pressed. Whilst It would be a very enjoyable experience to attain one trillion dollars AND to have the opportunity to ultimately end the world, this scenario is simply impossible.

1. You find a dog that is worth close to one million dollars and sell it on ebay (dunno if that's legal) to some 8-year old girl (million dollars?) who is sure to love and care for it properly. However, before you send it through Australia Post, you see a 'Lost' sign with an image similar to the dog you sold, with a reward of half a million. However, the person who lost it is dodgy and does not look like he cares about the dog at all, also he refuses to give proof that the dog is actually his. Who do you give the dog to?

....Are you kidding me?

1. I receive 1 million dollars compared to the 5 hundred thousand dollars when I give the dog to the girl

2.The girl will actually give a shit about the dog unlike the other person

3.The other person doesn't even have proof that he/she is the original owner. Surely a reasonable owner of a pet has at least some record of purchase, or a picture or even a video with said pet.

Please restructure this question reid.

1. Someone invents a way to record all your dreams that you have forgotten, however you are only allowed to watch it with your entire family watching along with you. Would you use this invention to view your dreams, knowing that all your most embarrassing and innermost thoughts may manifest themselves in your dreams?

Meh. By now they should know that I'm a pretty retarded person. Besides, If my forgotten dreams were really screwed up in some way, I'd love to get their reaction. Priceless. 

MEME ANSWERERS NOTES:

So far, your questions are either not specific enough, have one sided answers, simply make no sense or have easy solutions. The only questions that have actually caused me to pause for a moment to think are the first question and the last question. 

Rugged Randoms:

1. Pick a number between 1 and 2 inclusive. It may not be a decimal.

2 is always better than 1.

1. In your opinion, what is the single largest problem that the world as a whole faces?

Really really REALLY fucked up people in high positions.

1. Do you have certain friends only for lack of options?

Don't even understand this question. Who on earth has friends only for lack of options? Fuck if you're that out of options then make some imaginary friends up. That's what I do.

1. Everyone has a certain ratio of brains to effort needed in order to achieve. What would you say your ratio is?

I'm sorry, but wouldn't this ratio be a constant amongst humans? Everyone would need to have some level of intelligence to some level of input in terms of effort in order to achieve....therefore there wouldn't be an individual ratio. Extending upon this, the 'amount of brains' and 'amount of effort' are unquantifiable quantities, therefore making a set ratio impossible to implement. Even if one were to approach this question from a purely qualitative stance, 'amount of brains' and 'amount of effort' are two different concepts which are unable to be equated.

1. Do you have a fake call application on your phone to get out of awkward conversations? If so, have you ever used it?

My phone does not have one of these applications. BUT, if I hypothetically did have a phone with one of these applications then I would most likely use it. If I wasn't the type of person to use an application to get out of an awkward moment, then I definitely wouldn't be the type of person to install such an application in the first place.

Sloppy question Reid. Sloppy.

1. If you were to have a movie made about your life, which songs would you include in the soundtrack?

You make the false assumption that I would have a soundtrack. I'd probably make my movie a silent one, so taht only those who actually gave a shit about the move about my life would want to sit through it.

MEME ANSWERERS NOTES:

Unfortunately, this section was even more disappointing then the first. The second and last question stood out in this as the 'better ones', but apart from these the questions were poorly asked with an obvious answer.

Fancy Philosophicals:

1. 'Prove to me that you are not figments of my imagination', says the solipsist. So prove it for them. How do you prove that the world as you know it is not a figment of your imagination?

I wouldn't. I'd start a debate with him about the concept of nihilism versus the concept of solipsism.

1. Do you believe you have free will? Or is everything you do simply a pre-written reaction in your DNA to certain stimuli?

This is an actually interesting question. The first one of the blog meme. I feel like I should hold a party for you after having to sit through the other more easily answered questions. In response, I'd say that I have a combination of both. I can't always be in control of my 'will'. When the moment allows it, I'd prefer to say that I have free will, but in the event where my reaction needs to be instantaneous it would probably be a pre-written reaction in my dna to certain stimuli.

1. Is the idea of customising babies before they are born a bad one? If you could ensure a baby is born without any genetic defects, but could also change their hair and eye colour, level of intelligence etc?

This would not be a good idea. Social standards dictate a set number of qualities that are deemed to be 'attractive'. The concept of genetic modification of a fetus would encourage a decrease in variation within a species (or in this case, within the human race) and would make the populace of Earth weaker to changes in the surrounding environment.

1. You clone yourself one day with the clone having exactly the same memories as you. Can you prove to yourself that you are the original?

I don't particularly see a need to prove that I am the original. Knowing my nature, my clone would likely think himself to be the original, and I myself would think that I am the original. Eventually we'd probably agree to separate to two completely separate areas of the world and just stop all this nonsense about original and clone. 

1. Is a positive attitude beneficial? Or is it lying to oneself about the nature of life?

Positive attitude is incredibly beneficial. Though it may create a facade concerning the nature of life, the alternative, a negative attitude, is much more detrimental. Stemming from a negative attitude is low self confidence and without self confidence, one cannot accomplish anything.

1. What do you think would be the most useful wild animal to domesticate?

A Lion. I would ride on its back. I would call it rumble roar. And together, we would explore the figurative world of Pigfarts that I would conjure up around me, blissfully ignoring the qualms of the real world.

MEME ANSWERERS NOTES:

Just when I thought all hope was lost for this blog meme, this section provided a slight glimmer of light. Provided, some questions were easily answered, they were not as easily answered as those above this section. The other questions were much more challenging and could well be used in debates.

Interesting Inquiries:

1. Do you think of yourself as having a great insight into how the human mind works? ie, do you think you understand other people's motives well?

I'm insightful into certain aspects of the human mind. On other aspects however I am hopelessly oblivious and incapable of interpreting even the simplest motives of others. Ms. Jubilees has great experience with this. Regardless, the aspects that I understand well are sufficient for me to predict what others may do successfully.

1. How long does it take for someone to work off a bad first impression for you? How about ruining a good first impression?

I give a person a week or two to make an impression on me. If by the end of that time period, I still think that they are alright, I'd probably keep that impression of them. If by the end of that time period, I think that the person is a dick, I tell them that they are a dick. Simple.

1. What is your favourite type of mollusc?

Scallops are quite nice. Oysters are nice as well. I say this not because of appearance or other trait. I say this because of their taste :D

1. Do you have any type of phobia? (you have to name it too, not yes/no) If not, what is the most irrational phobia that someone you know has?

I am a slight germophobe.  I am incapable of sharing drinks/food that other people have taken a bite out of etc. It is just....unhygenic. Horrible. Ugh. The most irrational phobia? I have no idea. I don't exactly take note of other people's phobias. Just observe, forget, and move on.

1. What would you name the autobiography of your life?

I'd leech the sale of my autobiography from another popular series at the time. In the current situation. Harry Potter and the ....

1. If you were someone else, what would be the first impressions of yourself?

I don't understand. Who is the someone else?

MEME ANSWERERS NOTES:

You know? I was happy. I was happy that you were donig well in this last section. Most of the questions were nice and thought provoking. Then you decided to ruin everything with the last question. Frightfully lacking in specifics. Incredibly unimaginative and extremely disappointing. 

OVERALL:

If one were to graph my expectations for this graph from the time that I started it to the time that I finished it, the graph would look like a concave down parabola, intersecting the vertical axis at an infinitely high point. The vertex of the parabola would be somewhere around the end of the second section or the beginning of the third section. The end point of the parabola on the right side would be at around the point where the parabola intersected the vertical axis. Whilst this blog meme was...disappointing at times, it did manage to recover near the end, only to be killed by the last question.

GRADE: 

First section: D-

Second section: F+

Third Section: B-

Fourth Section: B+

Overall: C

Nice try reid. Nice try indeed.